Not a hero
by flyin'rabbit
Summary: Hugo Mattingly: he might not be a hero, but at least he wasn't a murderer.


**A/N**: Hello :) This story was originally written for a challenge over at hpff - we got a random Hogwarts student and I got Hugo Mattingly (I think his only appearance was in some video game or something), and well... here's the story, hopefully you'll enjoy it! :)

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the world of Harry Potter. It's a sad thing...

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_Keep your head down and let nobody notice you. Don't give anyone a reason to think you've done anything wrong. Don't give them a reason to target you. Do as they tell you to do._

Shivering, and dripping wet, Hugo Mattingly was sitting in his usual seat at the Ravenclaw House table. He remembered his mother's words as if she had spoken them only yesterday, but in reality, it had been a few months since he had last seen her. She hadn't written him either – what a difference from last year, when she had taken every opportunity that presented itself to her to write him. He knew that it was dangerous to write – the Carrows opened any letter addressed to any student who wasn't a Slytherin – but he was just worried.

Would his parents even still be alive? He read the Daily Prophet every day, and while there was usually a list – its length varying with the day – of the people who had died, he knew very well that some names weren't listed in there.

"Hello." Hugo looked up in wonder as an older girl took a seat opposite him. He knew her, of course. She was one of the most infamous students at Hogwarts this year. An avid Harry Potter supporter, one of the leaders of the re-established Dumbledore's Army, and one of the main targets of the Carrows and the Slytherins.

Luna Lovegood was not the sort of person his mother would want him to be seen with.

"Hello," Hugo croaked back, and she looked at him concernedly.

"What happened to you?" Although her voice always sounded like she was wondering about something, the wonder was definitely audible now.

"I fell in the lake," Hugo replied swiftly, hoping that she would leave soon. The Carrows might think he was a DA member as well if she didn't.

"In November?" she asked, blinking slowly. "How so?"

"I can't swim." Hugo couldn't believe that he was telling her this. "They made me do it."

"The Carrows?" Hugo didn't need to answer that question for her to know that that was, indeed, the case. "What for?"

Could he tell her? He quickly decided that that wasn't the best idea. He hadn't been the only one – there had been a Hufflepuff, even smaller than him, who had also been pushed into the lake.

"I don't know," he replied, staring at his plate. Luna seemed to get the message, and she left him alone again.

He glanced up at the Staff table. Fortunately, the Carrows weren't there. The Headmaster, however, was, but he seemed to be studying the Gryffindor table instead. Letting out a breath of relief, Hugo grabbed some chips off the nearest plate. It might look like the Gryffindor table was occupied only by students who had cuts all over their bodies, bruises everywhere, and, Hugo had been told, several missing limbs – and it was.

Boy, was he glad he was a Ravenclaw. Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were tolerated just a bit more than Gryffindors – because Gryffindor was the House of Undesirable No. 1.

Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. Of course Hugo had been in awe when he had first seen him, but he shouldn't think about that. Banishing Harry Potter from his mind – the Headmaster was the most gifted Legilimens he knew, after all – he concentrated back on his food. One of his friends, he thought it was Sara, slipped into the seat opposite him not too long after.

"Hugo," she muttered silently, "what happened?"

"I fell in," he replied in an equally low voice. "I'll tell you later."

Sara had it easy. She was a Pureblood, had parents working for the Ministry (her father in a rather high, respectable position, at that), and could generally get away with not paying attention for a second in the Carrows' classes and stuff like that. Hugo, on the other hand, was a half-blood. His mother was a witch (a Pure-blooded one), but his father was a Muggle. Ever since the start of the summer, they had been in hiding.

His mother had dropped him off at King's Cross on September 1st with the words that Hugo couldn't get out of his head now. He was to keep a low profile. That was rather hard when at least once a week, one of the Carrows would make a comment about how his mother had shamed herself and the wizarding race by marrying that filthy Muggle he, Hugo, had to call his _father_.

Unlike Sara, he didn't get away with things. This was, however, the first time he had been thrown into the lake. He didn't know how he could've been stupid enough to mention that he couldn't swim. On earlier occasions, the Carrows had made an older student use the Cruciatus curse on him, or they had allowed Filch to use his medieval torturing practices on him.

After dinner, they went straight to the common room, where the mood was noticeably lighter than in the rest of the castle. The Carrows weren't usually there, and nor were Snape or the Slytherin gangs. As far as the Ravenclaws were aware, there were no devices hidden in their common room that allowed the people in charge to see and hear what they did.

"What happened?" Sara asked again, as soon as they were inside, and Hugo sighed. He'd rather not think about it.

"Remember when they noticed that I didn't have the right page in front of me during Muggle Studies?" he asked her, and she nodded. "I didn't think that it would have any consequences – I mean, there are enough people who don't always have the right page – but apparently, it had been too long since the last time they tortured me."

"So they – they threw you in the lake?" Sara asked, a quizzical look on her face. "Why?"

"I accidentally mentioned that I couldn't swim," he explained, and she sighed, looking at him with pity.

"That's just cruel," she commented, and Hugo shrugged. "How did you get out?"

"I felt like I was drowning at first," he told her, a lump forming in his throat. "It was as if I had gone completely stiff. I – I don't know how it happened, but I managed to reach the surface before I was out of breath. I was lucky that I was still close to the edge."

"Merlin, that's horrible," Sara said, shaking her head disbelievingly.

"There was also a first year," Hugo continued, staring down at his trembling hands. "I didn't see her when I got out."

There. He had said it. Sara was still looking at him as if he deserved her pity, but he knew that he didn't. He had failed. He was not a hero.

"Hugo," she mumbled. "There was nothing you could do. You can't swim either. If you would've jumped back in, you could've drowned."

His hands were still trembling in his lap, but then, he briskly stood up. "I'm going to change," he told Sara, who nodded worriedly.

As he trudged up the stairs to his dorm, his tears fell freely. What kind of damned world was this? Was he a murderer now? He certainly felt responsible for the little girl's possible death, even though he probably would have drowned as well, as Sara had tried to make him see. But what had been her 'crime'? Had it been just as petty as his?

Cold to the bone by now, Hugo decided to take a quick shower before he changed, and then he would act as if nothing had happened. That was the best thing he could do.

For some reason, the shower always made him ponder his youth. His carefree youth. The only magical affairs in his youth had been books. When he had been younger, his mother would read _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_ to him without either of them ever growing tired of them. Later, she became hooked to the books by one Gilderoy Lockhart. The stories she told him about this man had seemed extraordinarily fascinating to him. Now _that_ was a hero. Hugo had wanted nothing but to meet Lockhart one day and become just like him. How jealous he had been when he had heard that only a few years before his arrival, Lockhart had been a Professor at Hogwarts! This jealousy quickly dissipated when he heard what the man was really like, and what had happened to him. Lockhart, it turned out, was as much of a hero as Hugo himself was.

When he went downstairs again, he felt like he was okay again. No more secrets bursting to get out, and no more tears threatening to fall. Sara was still the only one of his friends who was downstairs, which worried him a bit.

"Where's everyone else?" he asked quietly, and she sighed.

"I don't know. I just hope nothing bad has happened to them. Did you notice that both the Carrows were missing during dinner? Something big must be going on."

Hugo nodded slowly. He hadn't even thought about that. The only times both the Carrows were missing, were when there was a big group of students that needed to be tortured. Generally, they just oversaw the whole event, while Filch tortured some of the students, the Slytherin gangs cursed others, and they made other students hex each other to unconsciousness. He shivered – he had only been a part of those things once, but it was horrible, just thinking about it.

"Let's not try to think about it," he said quickly, opening his Transfiguration book. He loved Transfiguration; it was his favourite subject, even though he wasn't more than just average in it. McGonagall, though strict, wasn't as evil as the two new Professors, and this year, she even tried to protect the students at various times. The Carrows wanted to retaliate, but Snape insisted on dealing with her, and other Professors who didn't entirely agree with the new school regime, himself.

Sara didn't reply; she was already immersed in her Charms book. Every now and then, one of them would glance towards the entrance of the common room, only to be severely disappointed when none of their friends came in.

It was the strategy of all the students who just wanted to keep a low profile: don't ask too many questions. Make sure you know as little as possible about what's going on, who suffered what, when, why, and by whom. Just accept what's going on, don't look up, back, or forward – only look down. Don't aggravate the Carrows or the Slytherins.

More and more students, however, were giving up this strategy. They felt that it was no use – no matter what they did, the Carrows would find a reason to torture them. So more and more people were signing up for Dumbledore's Army. They secretly undermined the regime, they stood up against the Carrows, and they suffered greatly from it. It was unknown how many students were currently members of the DA, but Hugo suspected that the number grew at least every week.

Needless to say, Hugo was still holding onto the first survival strategy for dear life. Yes, he was targeted, but as long as it didn't get completely out of hand, he would try to stay strong for as long as it lasted, and completely break down when he was alone in the comfort that only his dorm, his bed, could bring.

He was not a hero, and he knew it. Before he had started at Hogwarts, he was certain that he would become a hero one day. His upbringing had been rather sheltered, and he didn't know more than the basics about the wizarding world. As soon as he set foot in the castle, he knew that a new phase in his life was about to start. This phase would be much darker than his youth. His youth had been full of happiness and void of sorrow.

Now, he wouldn't be able to get through the day without the hope that tomorrow, it might all be better.

...o...

Two days later, Hugo knew for sure that their friends had been in the torturing chambers with the Carrows, Filch, and a bunch of other students. They had been tortured, and they had been told to torture. Hugo wondered why, then, he had been thrown in the lake, but he didn't ponder the subject for too long. That was always dangerous to do.

As he walked from one class to another, he suddenly caught sight of something, or rather, someone. She stood still at the exact same moment as he did, and he couldn't help but feel very relieved. Still, they looked at each other with hollow eyes for a moment, and then continued walking. Not acknowledging anything or anyone was the safest way to go.

Hugo Mattingly might not be a hero, but at least he wasn't a murderer.

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**A/N**: So, what do you think? Was it good, bad, something else entirely? Anyway, let me know what you thought, please review!


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